Children on the autism spectrum may have more difficulty than their non-autistic peers with the long-term goals of accepting being told ‘no,’ as well as being given a ‘correction.’

Accepting 'No'

Examples of being told ‘no’ include being told ‘no’ to a request for more screen time, and being told ‘no’ in response to a request for a different activity at a time when it may not be appropriate. Difficulties accepting ‘no’ may be due to an inability to handle disappointment in response to a request, or difficulties with regulating emotions. Individuals on the autism spectrum may also have strong feelings and / or preferences about a particular item, event, or situation that makes it challenging for them to be denied access to that item, event, or situation. Accepting ‘no’ and forming an appropriate response to being told ‘no’ may be even more difficult if your child has already had a challenging day (e.g., exposure to overstimulating or stressful situations, etc.). The inability to accept ‘no’ can make home, school, and social situations challenging for your child. Helping your child learn the long-term goal of accepting ‘no’ may improve your child’s abilities to navigate these environments, and may also decrease bullying that your child may experience as the result of being unable to tolerate accepting ‘no.’ 

The following strategies may help to increase your child’s ability to tolerate disappointment and increase their ability to master the long-term goal of accepting ‘no:’

• Start with daily practice of ‘waiting.’ Teaching your child to wait for a desired object or activity helps to convey the idea that ‘no’ does not mean they will be permanently denied access to whatever it is that they have requested. Make sure your child is calm when you try to implement the daily practice of ‘waiting.’ For example, when your child asks for something, say, “you can have it in ____ (a few seconds, a minute, etc.)” or “okay, but wait a ____ (a few seconds, a minute. etc.).” If your child waits appropriately for the required amount of time (that is, quietly, without displaying interfering behaviors), provide them with the requested item and offer verbal praise. This will positively reinforce their waiting calmly to receive an item at a later time, and may help them learn that hearing ‘no’ does not mean they will be permanently denied their requested item.
• Grant a different item or request instead. Once your child can wait for what was requested, work with your child on accepting a substitute. When your child asks for an item they cannot have, say “no, but you can have (or do) this (substitute) instead.” If your child accepts your answer, then provide verbal praise and provide a reward as a reinforcer. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behaviors to be supported solely by social reinforcement. These actions will positively reinforce your child accepting a substitute rather than the requested item.
• Teach your child to accept ‘no’ by setting clear expectations. Focus on teaching your child what to do, rather than what not to do. Clarify your expectations. Before denying a request, tell your child what you expect. For example: “If you accept my answer calmly, then you can have this ____ (reward).” This will positively reinforce your child’s ability to calmly accept ‘no’ as an answer. Phase out the positive reinforcement when the skill has been sufficiently acquired. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behaviors to be supported solely by social reinforcement.
• Use a visual cue. Use an image, such as an image of the word ‘no’ or an image of a stop sign. When your child asks for an item or activity that they can not have immediately, show them the image. If the item they are requesting is tangible (e.g., an iPad or toy), place the image over the item to indicate to your child that they can not have the item at that time. 
• Use a different word or phrase to indicate ‘no.’ Your child may have a strong reaction to the word ‘no’ due to the negative connotation associated with the word. If this seems to be the case, consider using alternative language, such as “later” or “not right at this time.”
• Additional Resources

For the parent:‍

How to Get a Child to Get Used to Hearing No | Learning to Tolerate No - YouTube

Tolerating No Program Example - BARRIERS TO LEARNING WEBINAR - YouTube

For the child:

A Social Story to Help Kids Accept the Word No - YouTube

How To Accept No Book by Michael Z. Gordon - Read Well - Read Aloud Videos for Kids. - Bing video

Social Story: Accepting No - Bing video

In order to help your child master the long-term goal of accepting ‘no,’ you can work on the short-term goals of accepting ‘no’ at home, accepting ‘no’ at school, or accepting ‘no’ in social situations. 

For the short-term goal of accepting ‘no’ at home, you can work on the targets of accepting ‘no’ in response to a request using a replacement, accepting ‘no’ for a 5 minute period of time, accepting ‘no’ using the replacement phrase of ‘not right now,’ etc.

• Step 1: Decide what method of accepting ‘no’ that you would like your child to learn. For example, you can choose the target of accepting ‘no’ in response to a request using a replacement while working on the short-term goal of accepting ‘no’ at home. The task analysis could be as follows: 

1. Sit at a table having a favorite toy and items for a favorite activity (crayons, coloring book). 
2. Ask your parent or caregiver for the favorite toy.
3. Wait for a response.
4. The parent or caregiver declines the request by saying ‘no,’ and offers the favorite activity (coloring book and crayons). 
5. While staying calm, accept the favorite activity. 

• Step 2: An initial/specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as an image of an off-limits symbol, or a verbal SD (“Time to accept ‘no’ when you ask for your favorite toy!” or “Let’s practice accepting ‘no’!”).
• Step 3: Collect baseline level data by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt their part independently. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. Take data on which steps were accurately done independently (i.e., their part). For example, you can count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently (i.e., their part). Alternatively, if your child is able to complete their entire part of the task analysis independently, record how long it takes your child to complete it independently (e.g., 1 min, 3 min, 5 min, etc.).
• Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the target (i.e., the target of accepting ‘no’ in response to a request using a replacement), provide the SD from Step 2 and allow your child to attempt their part independently. When your child is successful, provide reinforcement. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behavior to be supported solely by social reinforcement. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, employ a model prompt to show your child what to do at the beginning of the following trial (e.g., model for your child how to request the favorite toy, followed by accepting the replacement activity).
• Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress. For example, count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently (i.e., their part). Alternatively, you can track progress by recording how long it takes your child to complete their part in all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1. Or, alternatively, you can track progress by counting the number of successful attempts at accepting ‘no’ in response to a request using a replacement over a certain number of sessions. 
• Step 6: Track how your child makes progress to meet the target of accepting ‘no’ in response to a request using a replacement by comparing with either a number threshold or a percentage threshold (necessary to meet the target). For example, you can record the number of successful attempts at accepting ‘no’ in response to a request using a replacement over a certain number of sessions, and compare that with the number threshold necessary to meet the target. Alternatively, you can record what percentage of times your child can complete their part in all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1, and compare that with the percentage threshold necessary to meet the target.

Accepting ‘Correction’

Teaching a child on the autism spectrum to master the long-term goal of accepting a correction can be challenging. It may be difficult for the child to understand the reason for the correction or the purpose of the correction as consequences for interfering behavior. They may also have difficulties coping with feelings of having made a mistake, or they may not pick up on social norms or cues that dictate a certain type of behavior deemed socially appropriate. Helping your child to master the long-term goal of accepting a correction can help them to learn from mistakes, learn about consequences, and be better prepared for following rules and social norms outside of the home. For example, learning to accept corrections may help them to avoid displaying interfering behaviors in social situations that may result in stigma or bullying (e.g., hitting another child). They may also find greater success in  school if they are able to accept correction (e.g., if they get an answer wrong and need to learn to ask for help after a correction). 

The following strategies can help your child work towards mastering  the long-term goal of accepting a correction:

• Model how to accept a correction. With another adult (e.g., family member, family friend, etc.) that your child is comfortable around, role-play to model for your child how to accept a correction after making a mistake. This may be done as follows: 

• -> Pick a household rule that your child is familiar with. Examples could be: putting your dish in the sink after you are finished with it, taking off shoes when you enter the house, or hanging up a jacket in a closet after returning home. 
• -> With your child and another adult in the room, model the incorrect action and the correction. For example, you can have the other adult come into the room, remove their jacket, and drop it on the floor. 
• -> Now say to the person: “That is not the correct place to put your jacket. Can you please put it in the closet?”
• -> Have the other individual pick up the jacket and hang it in the closet. 
• -> After they hang the jacket, say “Thank you. That is the correct place to put your jacket.”

• Positive correction rather than negative correction. If you are correcting an interfering  behavior, use positive words rather than negative words. For example, if your child has hit a sibling or is throwing a tantrum after being told ‘no,’ tell them why their behavior was not appropriate and encourage “quiet time” (as opposed to a “time out”) for them to have calm down time. Before using this type of “quiet time” correction, consider whether your child has a tendency to isolate themselves. If so, this may not be an appropriate or effective consequence to undesirable behavior. 
• Discuss correct, alternative behavior. If you are correcting an interfering  behavior, discuss what the correct behavior for the situation is. For example, if your child snatches a toy from a peer or sibling, say, “If you would like a turn with the toy, you need to ask the other person for it. Wait for their response, and wait for them to hand it to you.”

• Use clear, short, and immediate corrections. Children on the autism spectrum may not be able to read subtle cues or indirect corrections. Use corrections that are both brief and direct (“Please don’t hit your sister”) immediately after an undesirable behavior has occurred.

Additional resources:

For the parent:

Using Discipline and Consequences - Bing video

Rules, Boundaries and Consequences for Children! - Bing video

For the child:

Following the Rules - Bing video

For the long-term goal of accepting ‘correction,’ you can work on the short-term goals of identifying the consequence of an action, asking for help after a correction in school, identifying correct versus incorrect, etc. 

For the short-term goal of identifying correct versus incorrect, you can work on the targets of identifying one correct and one incorrect response to a question, identifying one correct and one incorrect item of clothing to wear on a summer day (e.g., a winter hat and shorts), responding after correction for an interfering behavior, etc.

• Step 1: Decide what method of accepting a ‘correction’ you would like your child to achieve. For example, you can choose the target of responding after correction for an interfering behavior while working on the short-term goal of accepting ‘correction.’ The task analysis could be as follows:

1. Sit down across from a playmate holding your favorite book. A parent or friend can role-play the playmate. 
2. Without asking, take the toy or book from the playmate .
3. The playmate will tell you that taking the book from them without asking was not okay, and you should always ask first and wait for them to respond.
4. Listen to your playmate while they’re speaking.
5. Let the playmate know you understand by saying “Yes, I understand.”
6. Hand the book back to the playmate.
7. Apologize by saying “I’m sorry I took the book without asking.”

• Step 2: An initial/specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as an image of a thumbs up and a thumbs down, or a verbal SD (“Time to respond to a correction!” or “Let’s learn what to say when you are corrected!”).
• Step 3: Collect baseline level data by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt their part independently. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. Take data on which steps were accurately done independently (i.e., their part). For example, you can count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently (i.e., their part). Alternatively, if your child is able to complete their entire part of the task analysis independently, record how long it takes your child to complete it independently (e.g., 1 min, 3 min, 5 min, etc.).
• Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the target (i.e., the target of responding after correction for an interfering behavior), provide the SD from Step 2 and allow your child to attempt their part independently. When your child is successful, provide reinforcement. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behavior to be supported solely by social reinforcement. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, employ a model prompt to show your child what to do at the beginning of the following trial (e.g., model for your child how to sit across from another person, then do something the incorrect way, followed by acknowledging your incorrect action).
• Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress. For example, count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently (i.e., their part). Alternatively, you can track progress by recording how long it takes your child to complete their part in all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1. Or, alternatively, you can track progress by counting the number of successful attempts at responding after correction for an interfering behavior during a session. 
• Step 6: Track how your child makes progress to meet the target of responding after correction for an interfering behavior by comparing with either a number threshold or a percentage threshold (necessary to meet the target). For example, you can record the number of successful attempts at responding after correction for an interfering behavior over a certain number of sessions, and compare that with the number threshold necessary to meet the target. Alternatively, you can record what percentage of times your child can complete their part in all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1, and compare that with the percentage threshold necessary to meet the target.