Children on the autism spectrum may have more difficulty than their peers with losing or disappointment. This is partly due to struggles with regulating emotions and because the inability to tolerate changes is a core characteristic of ASD.

When playing a game, children on the autism spectrum do not generally like to change the rules. For example, changing the difficulty level of a game from low to medium is typically accomplished by changing or adjusting the rules to increase the level of difficulty. Children on the autism spectrum may refuse to play the same game with different rules, in part because they may realize that increasing the difficulty makes it more likely that they will lose. Emotional regulation in these cases can easily be compounded by having had an already challenging day, resulting in distress over not winning something, not getting their way, not being first, not being chosen for an activity, having to adjust to a game rule change, etc. 

Another important contributing factor in tolerating game outcomes and rule changes is that children on the autism spectrum are less aware of unwritten social rules and generally find it challenging to look at a situation from the perspective of others: others also want to win, get their way, be first, be chosen for an activity, play at a different difficulty level, etc. When your child does not know how to tolerate losing and / or how to accept game rule changes, this may result in meltdowns, social stigma or struggles with social interactions. The inability to tolerate losing and / or accept game rule changes can make social situations and building relationships challenging for your child. Helping your child learn how to tolerate losing and / or accept game rule changes may improve their functioning in social situations and decrease bullying that they may experience. 

The following strategies may help to increase your child’s ability to tolerate disappointment or accept the potential of disappointment when tolerating changes in the rules of a game:

• Model losing for your child. Find a game that you and your child can enjoy playing together. Allow your child to win 2-3 times, and display a gracious losing attitude, for example, by shaking hands with your child at the end of the game. Then inform your child that you are switching roles, and it will be your turn to win. At the end of the game, prompt your child to shake hands with you, and tell them that they won the “sportsmanship game,” and explain that there are more ways than one to win a game. If your child lost graciously, you may choose to use positive reinforcement to encourage your child to repeat that desired behavior: offer a piece of candy, a small toy, etc. Phase out the positive reinforcement when the skill has been sufficiently acquired. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behaviors to be supported solely by social reinforcement.
• Watch videos of people showing good sportsmanship with your child. Find some videos where people demonstrate good sportsmanship (e.g., losing gracefully). Watch and discuss those with your child. While you’re watching these videos, offer verbal praise regarding the behaviors of the people in the videos to show your child that this type of behavior will be received positively by others. Similarly, you and your child may watch together and discuss videos of people displaying bad sportsmanship, such as talking about someone losing and being rude towards their opponents, or someone winning and rubbing it in their opponent’s face.
• Ask your child to choose the playing difficulty level. Have your child choose the difficulty level of a game they are playing, and, for example, provide them with the rule that they cannot play more than 3 times in a row at the same difficulty level, and that they will have to choose different difficulty levels. This way, for a game that has the low, medium, and high difficulty levels, your child can only choose to play at the low level 3 times in a row, after which they will have to play either at medium or hard difficulty. Praise good sportsmanship, regardless of whether your child wins or loses at the chosen level, to reinforce a positive behavior while playing a game with different rules. By getting to choose the difficulty level, your child will appreciate having some level of control over the game, regardless of whether they win or lose. 
• Additional resources:

For the parent:

How to Teach Your Kids to Lose Gracefully - YouTube

Teaching Kids to Win and Lose - YouTube

For the child

How To Lose At Games Without Getting Mad: A Social Story - Bing video

SOCIAL STORY AUTISM | WIN AND LOSS |AUTISM PARENTS EXPERIENCES | DEALING WITH AUTISM - Bing video

Losing a Game - YouTube

In order to help your child master the long-term goal of tolerating game outcomes and rule changes, you can work with your child on the short-term goals of showing good sportsmanship (e.g., losing gracefully) or tolerating rule changes.

Showing Good Sportsmanship

For the short-term goal of showing good sportsmanship, you can choose a target such as tolerating losing, celebrating a win appropriately, expressing disappointment appropriately, etc.

• Step 1: Decide what aspect of showing good sportsmanship you would like your child to learn. For example, you can choose the target of tolerating losing while working on the short-term goal of showing good sportsmanship. The task analysis for tolerating losing could be as follows:

1. Choose a game to play.
2. Sit across from your opponent.
3. Play the game.
4. When you lose, look in the direction of your opponent and smile and say, “Good game!” enthusiastically.

• Step 2: An initial/specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as an image of a video game controller or the game you will play, such as Bananagrams, or a verbal SD (“Time to be a good sport!” or “Let’s show good sportsmanship!”).
• Step 3: Collect baseline level data by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt independently. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. Take data on which steps were accurately done independently. For example, you can count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently. Alternatively, if your child is able to complete the entire task analysis independently, record how long it takes your child to complete it independently (e.g., 15 min, 20 min, 25 min, etc.).
• Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the target (i.e., the target of tolerating losing), provide the SD from Step 2 and allow your child to attempt independently. When your child is successful, provide reinforcement. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behavior to be supported solely by social reinforcement. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, employ a model prompt to show your child what to do at the beginning of the following trial (e.g., model for your child how to play the game, then lose, followed by telling the other person “good game” with enthusiasm).
• Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress. For example, count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently. Alternatively, you can track progress by recording how long it takes your child to complete all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1. Or, alternatively, you can track progress by counting the number of successful attempts at tolerating losing during a session. 
• Step 6: Track how your child makes progress to meet the target of tolerating losing by comparing with either a number threshold or a percentage threshold (necessary to meet the target). For example, you can record the number of successful attempts at tolerating losing over a certain number of sessions, and compare that with the number threshold necessary to meet the target. Alternatively, you can record what percentage of times your child can complete all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1, and compare that with the percentage threshold necessary to meet the target.

Tolerating Rule Changes

For the short-term goal of tolerating rule changes, you can choose a target such as tolerating an increase in difficulty, tolerating a decrease in difficulty, tolerating a game mode change, etc.

• Step 1: Decide what rule changes you would like your child to learn to tolerate. For example, you can choose the target of tolerating an increase in game difficulty level while working on the short-term goal of tolerating rule changes. The task analysis for tolerating an increase in difficulty as follows would work best with a game that can be completed in a short period of time:

1. Play through a game once with your opponent, with your choice of playing difficulty.
2. When the game is over, wait for your opponent to start up again and inform you what difficulty level they want to use.
3. Respond to their request politely and say, “Sounds good, let’s play it that way.”
4. Play the game with your opponent again at the difficulty level they chose.

• Step 2: An initial/specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as an image of the word “rules,” or a verbal SD (“Time to change the rules!” or “Let’s change up the rules!”).
• Step 3: Collect baseline level data by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt independently. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. Take data on which steps were accurately done independently. For example, you can count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently. Alternatively, if your child is able to complete the entire task analysis independently, record how long it takes your child to complete it independently (e.g., 15 min, 20 min, 25 min, etc.).
• Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the target (i.e., the target of tolerating an increase in difficulty), provide the SD from Step 2 and allow your child to attempt independently. When your child is successful, provide reinforcement. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behavior to be supported solely by social reinforcement. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, employ a model prompt to show your child what to do at the beginning of the following trial (e.g., model for your child how to play the game, then have the difficulty of the game increased, followed by continuing to play the game regardless of the increase in difficulty).
• Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress. For example, count how many steps in a row (from the task analysis in Step 1) your child can complete independently. Alternatively, you can track progress by recording how long it takes your child to complete all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1. Or, alternatively, you can track progress by counting the number of successful attempts at tolerating an increase in difficulty during a session. 
• Step 6: Track how your child makes progress to meet the target of tolerating an increase in difficulty by comparing with either a number threshold or a percentage threshold (necessary to meet the target). For example, you can record the number of successful attempts at tolerating an increase in difficulty over a certain number of sessions, and compare that with the number threshold necessary to meet the target. Alternatively, you can record what percentage of times your child can complete all the steps from the task analysis in Step 1, and compare that with the percentage threshold necessary to meet the target.

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