Every child will have a tantrum at some point. This is true for children both with and without neurodevelopmental disorders. Children on the autism spectrum typically find identifying and managing strong emotions more challenging than non-autistic children. Because of this, children on the autism spectrum can also have more frequent tantrums. While tantrums are typical for all children, there are plenty of strategies you can use to help your child decrease tantrums if they become an interfering behavior.

It is important to note that tantrums differ from meltdowns and should be addressed differently. Primarily, tantrums are willful behaviors (e.g. stomping, screaming, shouting, throwing oneself onto the ground, etc.) that are typically goal-oriented. In other words, a child typically has a tantrum related to a “want” that isn’t being fulfilled. For example, your child may have a tantrum because they want cake for breakfast and this is not typical in your home. Children generally outgrow tantrums, though the age when this happens varies for each child. On the other hand, meltdowns associated with the autism spectrum are extreme responses typically related to a trigger of some sort (usually sensory overload) and are not purposeful. Meltdowns are involuntary, challenging to regulate, and are not outgrown, as they can be experienced by teenagers and adults as well as children.

If you are unsure whether your child’s behavior is a tantrum, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is my child’s behavior the result of a declined request for an item, attention, etc? If yes, this may be a tantrum.
• Is my child’s behavior escalating if no attention is given to the behavior? If yes, this is probably a tantrum. 
• Did my child’s behavior calm down when I granted the request (for an item, attention, etc.)? If yes, this was probably a tantrum.
• Did my child’s behavior pass rather quickly, and / or was my child able to resume their day relatively soon thereafter? If yes, this was probably a tantrum. 

Alternatively, if you are unsure whether your child’s behavior is a meltdown, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is my child unusually quiet (e.g., shutdown), irritable (e.g.,  aggressive or loud), fidgets or stims more often than usual, gets frustrated over small things, and / or has trouble focusing? If yes, this is probably a meltdown.
• Is my child’s behavior the result of sensory overload, change in routine or schedule, or other stressor? If yes, this is probably a meltdown.
• Is my child covering their eyes or their ears in order to limit sensory input? If yes, this is probably a meltdown.
• Did my child’s behavior last quite a while and did they need some significant time to calm down, regroup, and resume their day? If yes, this was probably a meltdown.

If your child appears to be having or nearing a meltdown, the specific strategies and activities you can use to navigate it are very different from how you might navigate a tantrum. You can find more information below:

How Autistic Meltdowns Differ From Ordinary Temper Tantrums (verywellhealth.com)

Meltdowns & Calming Techniques in Autism - Autism Research Institute

BBC Scotland - The Social - How it feels to have an autistic meltdown and how you can help

Below are resources to help further your understanding of tantrums:

Temper Tantrums | Johns Hopkins Medicine

Temper tantrums in toddlers: How to keep the peace - Mayo Clinic

Temper Tantrums: What They Are, How To Handle & Possibly Prevent Them (clevelandclinic.org)

While tantrums are typical for all children, if you find that your child is having tantrums frequently, below are a variety of strategies to reduce and / or manage your child’s tantrums.

Determine your A-B-Cs

In applied behavioral analysis (ABA) terminology, “antecedent” is also known as “the event that led to the current behavior.” In trying to determine the antecedent to your child’s tantrum, you are trying to figure out what event or issues might have led to their tantrum. For children on the autism spectrum, the antecedent to a tantrum could include:

• Being unable to effectively communicate with a parent or caregiver
• Being told “no” or not getting what they want at that time
• Seeing someone else get attention from a preferred person

Once the A (antecedent) is determined, you will want to note the B (behavior), which is the tantrum, and the Cs (consequences), or what happens after the behavior has occurred. You will also want to note if there is a particular environment where your child has tantrums.

Create a behavior intervention plan

Once you’ve determined the antecedent that tends to lead to your child having a tantrum, you can create a plan to intervene when it seems like your child might be heading towards a tantrum. Some common strategies used to reduce or prevent tantrums in children on the autism spectrum can include:

• Structuring time and using schedules
• Using social stories
• Using clear communication 

You know your child best, so develop an intervention plan that you think would work best based on their behavior. You can always revise it if it makes sense to do so.

Have a plan for dealing with a tantrum in the moment 

Just because you’ve identified antecedents and created an intervention plan doesn’t mean you will be able to completely avoid tantrums. As stated earlier, all children have tantrums at some point. Because of this, it’s important to have some strategies in place for dealing with a tantrum in the moment. Note that of the strategies listed below, not all will work with your child and some may agitate the tantrum further. It is important to determine which strategies work for your child and which do not.

• Practice deep breathing and counting with your child. Taking deep breaths is widely known to be a useful de-escalation technique for everyone experiencing emotional overload: adults and children, individuals without a neurodevelopmental disorder, and individuals who are neurodivergent. For children on the autism spectrum, it can be useful to practice fun “deep breath” activities when they are calm. Then, when your child is having trouble regulating their emotions, you can draw on these practices in the moment. Some ideas for turning “taking deep breaths” into fun activities you can practice with your child while they are calm are:

1. Using “breathing beads / sticks” or “breathing fidgets.” Using a beaded fidget bracelet, stick, ring, or other toy, have your child take a deep breath as they touch each bead and gradually work through them all. 
2. Pretend to blow out candles. Have your child pretend each of the fingers on one of their hands or on one of your hands are birthday candles and they need to blow them out one at a time. 
3. Blow bubbles. While technically this isn’t a breathing exercise, blowing bubbles does require that the person take deep breaths beforehand. This can be a great way to have your child take deep breaths while focusing on something other than their escalating emotions.

• Use sensory items (fidget toy, lower lighting, weighted stuffie, weighted vest, weighted blanket). For some children, providing sensory items can help them to shift their attention from the feelings that resulted in the tantrum and can help them regulate their emotions and calm down. If you have specific sensory items (fidget toys, weighted items) or experiences (lower lighting, a hug, etc.) that help your child regulate their emotions, provide them with those.
• Reduce anxiety through calming music or whatever music works for your child. Children on the autism spectrum find various types of music to have calming properties. During calmer moments, play different types of music for your child and figure out which one has the most calming and soothing effects on them. Alternatively, you might try to figure out which music makes them happiest (for example, are there songs they love to sing along to or clap along to?). Then, when it seems like your child is heading towards a tantrum or they are in the middle of one, provide them with music that has a calming, soothing, or otherwise distracting effect on them.
• Allow the use of noise-canceling headphones if that helps. If you believe noise-canceling headphones might help distract your child from their “want” that isn’t being fulfilled or provide some other support to limit tantrum-behavior, provide your child with noise-canceling headphones. However, be mindful of your child while wearing noise canceling headphones as they may be unable to hear emergency sounds: for example, a tornado siren prompting everyone to seek shelter.

While tantrums are inevitable, it’s understandable to feel stressed or anxious when your child is having a tantrum. However, it’s important to try to remain as calm and patient as you can. Becoming outwardly frustrated or angry may make the tantrum last longer, whereas remaining calm will help your child more quickly become calm themselves. Also, it is sometimes okay to simply let your child have a tantrum. For example, if they are having a tantrum over an item they are not allowed to have, it is okay to let the tantrum ride out and not give them the item.

Again, it is very important to understand that tantrums differ from sensory overload meltdowns and should be addressed very differently. If your child appears to be having or nearing a meltdown, there are specific strategies and activities you can use to navigate it that are different from how you might navigate a tantrum.

Decreasing Tantrums When Working on a School Project At Home / Replacing with “Ask for a Break”

A-B-Cs Groundwork: Identify and consider the following:

1. The interfering behavior that should be decreased and concurrently replaced with an acceptable behavior. For example, if your child has a tantrum, their tantrums should be decreased / replaced with an acceptable behavior (e.g., ask for a break).
2. The environment or setting in which the interfering behavior occurs / is triggered, if relevant. For example, your child has a tantrum when your child is working on a project.
3. Any antecedent or other stimulus (e.g., a trigger) that causes your child to exhibit the interfering behavior, if relevant. For example, your child has a tantrum when your child is working on a school project at home.
4. The function of your child’s interfering behavior. For example, your child has a tantrum in order to express frustration while working on a school project at home.
5. The skill that you would like your child to learn in order to decrease or replace the interfering behavior. For example, you would like your child to ask for a break instead of having a tantrum.
6. How you might simulate the environment and / or stimulus which results in your child displaying the interfering behavior, in order to work with your child towards decreasing / replacing the interfering behavior. For example, if you would like your child to ask for a break instead of having a tantrum when working on a school project at home, consider simulating a modified / tolerable version of the school project by breaking it down into smaller pieces, as applicable. For example, if they are working on making a diorama, you can break it into working on the ground, placing the figures, and the background.  
7. Optional: Model for or explain to your child the desired behavior change. For example, modeling or explaining the acquisition of the skill of asking for a break within working on a school project at home in order to replace having a tantrum could employ the following strategies:

•      --->      Communicate to your child that when they are frustrated or overwhelmed by a school project, they should ask for a break instead of having a tantrum. 

•      --->      Use whatever communication strategy works best for your child, and role-play asking for a break. You can pretend to work on a school project, then model or explain asking for a break using your child’s preferred method of communication, followed by immediately removing the school project from the room and / or moving to a different room after asking for a break. This will allow your child to observe how asking for a break causes the school project to go away.

•      --->      Provide your child with whatever suitable means they need to communicate asking for a break.

“Asking for a Break”: Teach this skill to replace Tantrums.

• Step 1: Decide what skill acquisition goal you would like your child to practice for replacing the interfering behavior. For example, you can choose the skill acquisition goal of asking for a break for replacing tantrums. The task analysis for the skill acquisition target of asking for a break while working on a school project at home could be as follows:

•      --->      Simulate a modified / tolerable version of the school project by breaking it down into smaller pieces, as applicable. For example, if they are working on making a diorama, you can break it into working on the ground, placing the figures, and the background; and then choose working on the ground.

•      --->      Ask your child to work on the chosen part of the project, the ground.

•      --->      Your child should ask for a break when working on the ground for the school project bothers them.

•      --->      As soon as your child asks for a break, remove the school project instantaneously.
  Note: As your child consistently displays the replacement behavior of asking for a break from working on a school project, slowly increase the time between when your child makes the request and when you eliminate the school project in small intervals (1 second, 2 seconds, 5 seconds, etc.) This will help your child learn to wait in instances when you cannot eliminate the school project immediately.

• Provide a great deal of verbal praise after removing the school project. Note that for interfering behavior replacement goals, positive reinforcement such as a favorite snack or toy should not be used. For interfering behavior replacement goals, the removal of the antecedent or stimulus or providing what your child asked for is the reward and should be provided as instantaneously as possible. 

• Step 2: An initial / specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as a picture of someone working on a school project, like this image of a poster board, or a verbal SD (“Time to practice asking for a break!” or “Let’s practice asking for a break when you work on a school project!”).
• Step 3: Collect baseline level data for the skill acquisition target (i.e., asking for a break while working on a school project at home) by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt their part independently. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. As an example, you can count how many times your child is able to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., successful attempts). Note that this baseline collection data step is for the skill acquisition target, and baseline level data for the interfering behavior may already be present in your child’s treatment plan.
• Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the skill acquisition target (i.e., asking for a break while working on a school project at home), provide the SD from Step 2, follow the task analysis from Step 1, and allow your child to attempt their part independently. When your child is successful, instantaneously grant their request, for example, instantaneously remove the school project. You can then, if appropriate, provide verbal praise for your child, such as saying, “Good job at asking for a break!”. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, employ a model prompt to show your child what to do at the beginning of the following trial (e.g., model for your child how to ask for a break while working on a school project at home, for example as suggested immediately above under Item g in A-B-Cs Groundwork). Note that for interfering behavior replacement goals, positive reinforcement such as a favorite snack or toy should not be used. For these goals, the removal of the antecedent or stimulus or providing what your child has asked for is the reward and should be provided instantaneously. 
• Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress on the skill acquisition target of asking for a break while working on a school project at home. For example, track progress by counting how many times your child is able to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., successful attempts). Alternatively, count how many times your child is unable to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., unsuccessful attempts).
• Step 6: Collect data on how your child makes progress on decreasing tantrums. For example, count the number of instances and / or the duration of your child’s tantrums while working on a school project at home instead of asking for a break over a certain period of time (e.g., a session, a certain number of sessions, etc.). Alternatively, count the number of instances your child has a tantrum when working on a school project at home over a certain time period (e.g., 1 month, 3 months, etc.).

Decreasing Tantrums When Parent is Playing a Video Game / Replacing with “Asking for a Desired Item / Activity”

A-B-Cs Groundwork: Identify and consider the following:

1. The interfering behavior that should be decreased and concurrently replaced with an acceptable behavior. For example, if your child has a tantrum, their tantrums should be decreased / replaced with an acceptable behavior (e.g., asking for a desired item / activity).
2. The environment or setting in which the interfering behavior occurs / is triggered, if relevant. For example, your child has a tantrum when your child wants a desired item / activity.
3. Any antecedent or other stimulus (e.g., a trigger) that causes your child to exhibit the interfering behavior, if relevant. For example, your child has a tantrum when they  want a specific item / activity from you (the parent) but you are playing a video game.
4. The function of your child’s interfering behavior. For example, your child has a tantrum in order to express their want for a specific item / activity.
5. The skill that you would like your child to learn in order to decrease or replace the interfering behavior. For example, you would like your child to ask for a desired item / activity instead of having a tantrum.
6. How you might simulate the environment and / or stimulus which results in your child displaying the interfering behavior, in order to work with your child towards decreasing / replacing the interfering behavior. For example, if you would like your child to ask for a desired item / activity instead of having a tantrum when they desire an item / activity but you are playing a video game, consider simulating a modified / tolerable version of a parent playing a video game by playing a low intensity video game in front of your child so you are keenly aware of your surroundings or pretending to play a video game, as applicable. If the item / activity that your child wants is the video game, you can consider implementing taking turns. 
7. Optional: Model for or explain to your child the desired behavior change. For example, modeling or explaining the acquisition of the skill of asking for a desired item / activity when the parent is playing a video game in order to replace having a tantrum could employ the following strategies:

•      --->      Communicate to your child that when they want an item / activity, they should ask for the desired item / activity instead of having a tantrum. 

•      --->      Use whatever communication strategy works best for your child, and role-play asking for a desired item / activity. You can find an item / activity you want while someone is playing a video game, then model or explain asking for a desired item / activity using your child’s preferred method of communication, followed by immediately receiving the desired item / activity after asking for desired item / activity. This will allow your child to observe how asking for a desired item / activity causes the frustration of wanting the item / activity to go away.

•      --->      Provide your child with whatever suitable means they need to communicate asking for a desired item / activity.

“Asking for a Desired Item / Activity”: Teach this skill to replace Tantrums.

• Step 1: Decide what skill acquisition goal you would like your child to practice for replacing the interfering behavior. For example, you can choose the skill acquisition goal of asking for a desired item / activity for replacing tantrums. The task analysis for the skill acquisition target of asking for a desired item / activity while a parent is playing a video game could be as follows:

•      --->      Simulate a modified / tolerable version of a parent playing a video game by playing a low intensity video game in front of your child or pretending to play a video game, as applicable.

•      --->      Your child should ask for the desired item / activity when the parent is playing a video game and not paying attention to their wants bothers them.

•      --->      As soon as your child asks for the desired item /activity, stop playing the video game and give the item to the child / let them participate in the activity instantaneously.
  Note: As your child consistently displays the replacement behavior of asking for the desired item / activity, slowly increase the time between when your child makes the request and when you provide the item / let them participate in the activity in small intervals (1 second, 2 seconds, 5 seconds, etc.) This will help your child learn to wait in instances when you cannot provide the item / let them participate in the activity immediately.

•      --->      Provide a great deal of verbal praise after giving the item to the child / letting them participate in the activity. Note that for interfering behavior replacement goals, positive reinforcement such as a favorite snack or toy should not be used. For interfering behavior replacement goals, the removal of the antecedent or stimulus or providing what your child asked for is the reward and should be provided as instantaneously as possible. 

• Step 2: An initial / specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as an image of someone holding a video game console controller, or a verbal SD (“Time to practice asking for something you want while I’m busy!” or “Let’s practice asking for something that you want while I’m busy!”).
• Step 3: Collect baseline level data for the skill acquisition target (i.e., asking for a desired item / activity while the parent is playing a video game) by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt their part independently. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. As an example, you can count how many times your child is able to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., successful attempts). Note that this baseline collection data step is for the skill acquisition target, and baseline level data for the interfering behavior may already be present in your child’s treatment plan.
• Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the skill acquisition target (i.e., asking for a desired item / activity while the parent is playing a video game), provide the SD from Step 2, follow the task analysis from Step 1, and allow your child to attempt their part independently. When your child is successful, instantaneously grant their request, for example, instantaneously stop playing the video game and give the item to the child / let them participate in the activity. You can then, if appropriate, provide verbal praise for your child, such as saying, “Good job at asking for what you want!”. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, employ a model prompt to show your child what to do at the beginning of the following trial (e.g., model for your child how to ask for a desired item / activity while the parent is playing a video game, for example as suggested immediately above under Item g in A-B-Cs Groundwork). Note that for interfering behavior replacement goals, positive reinforcement such as a favorite snack or toy should not be used. For these goals, the removal of the antecedent or stimulus or providing what your child has asked for is the reward and should be provided instantaneously. 
• Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress on the skill acquisition target of asking for a desired item / activity while the parent is playing a video game. For example, track progress by counting how many times your child is able to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., successful attempts). Alternatively, count how many times your child is unable to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., unsuccessful attempts).
• Step 6: Collect data on how your child makes progress on decreasing tantrums. For example, count the number of instances and / or the duration of your child’s tantrums in response to desiring an item / activity when the parent is playing a video game instead of asking for a desired item / activity over a certain period of time (e.g., a session, a certain number of sessions, etc.). Alternatively, count the number of instances your child has a tantrum when desiring an item / activity when the parent is playing a video game over a certain time period (e.g., 1 month, 3 months, etc.).

Decreasing Tantrums When Making Food / Replacing with “Asking for Help”

A-B-Cs Groundwork: Identify and consider the following:

1. The interfering behavior that should be decreased and concurrently replaced with an acceptable behavior. For example, if your child has a tantrum, their tantrums should be decreased / replaced with an acceptable behavior (e.g., asking for help).
2. The environment or setting in which the interfering behavior occurs / is triggered, if relevant. For example, your child has a tantrum when they are  making food that they know all the steps for, and get frustrated with the task.
3. Any antecedent or other stimulus (e.g., a trigger) that causes your child to exhibit the interfering behavior, if relevant. For example, your child has a tantrum when they become frustrated while making food that they know all the steps for.
4. The function of your child’s interfering behavior. For example, your child has a tantrum in order to express frustration and needing help with making food.
5. The skill that you would like your child to learn in order to decrease or replace the interfering behavior. For example, you would like your child to ask for help instead of having a tantrum.
6. How you might simulate the environment and / or stimulus which results in your child displaying the interfering behavior, in order to work with your child towards decreasing / replacing the interfering behavior. For example, if you would like your child to ask for help instead of having a tantrum when making food that they know all the steps for at home (and get frustrated with the task), consider simulating a modified / tolerable version of making food by breaking down the steps into different parts, such as breaking it down into prepping ingredients, cooking ingredients, and plating food as applicable. 
7. Optional: Model for or explain to your child the desired behavior change. For example, modeling or explaining the acquisition of the skill of asking for help when making food that they know all the steps for at home (and get frustrated with the task) in order to replace having tantrums could employ the following strategies:

•      --->      Communicate to your child that when they need help while making food that they know all the steps to, they should ask for help instead of having a tantrum. 

•      --->      Use whatever communication strategy works best for your child, and role-play asking for help. You can pretend to make food that your child knows all the steps for (and gets frustrated with the task), then model or explain asking for help using your child’s preferred method of communication, followed by immediately receiving help after asking for help. This will allow your child to observe how asking for help causes the frustration to go away.

•      --->      Provide your child with whatever suitable means they need to communicate asking for help.

“Asking for Help”: Teach this skill to replace Tantrums.

• Step 1: Decide what skill acquisition goal you would like your child to practice for replacing the interfering behavior. For example, you can choose the skill acquisition goal of asking for help for replacing tantrums. The task analysis for the skill acquisition target of asking for help when making food that your child knows all the steps for while at home could be as follows:

•      --->      Simulate a modified / tolerable version of making food by breaking down the steps into different parts, such as breaking it down into prepping ingredients, cooking ingredients, and plating food, as applicable.

•      --->      Your child should ask for help when making food that they know all the steps for bothers them.

•      --->      As soon as your child asks for help, provide help instantaneously.
  Note: As your child consistently displays the replacement behavior of asking for help, slowly increase the time between when your child makes the request and when you provide help in small intervals (1 second, 2 seconds, 5 seconds, etc.) This will help your child learn to wait in instances when you cannot provide help immediately.

•      --->      Provide a great deal of verbal praise after helping your child. Note that for interfering behavior replacement goals, positive reinforcement such as a favorite snack or toy should not be used. For interfering behavior replacement goals, the removal of the antecedent or stimulus or providing what your child asked for is the reward and should be provided as instantaneously as possible. 

• Step 2: An initial / specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as an image of someone with ingredients for making food, or a verbal SD (“Time to practice asking for help while making food!” or “Let’s practice asking for help while making food!”).
• Step 3: Collect baseline level data for the skill acquisition target (i.e., asking for help when making food that your child knows all the steps for while at home) by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt their part independently. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. As an example, you can count how many times your child is able to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., successful attempts). Note that this baseline collection data step is for the skill acquisition target, and baseline level data for the interfering behavior may already be present in your child’s treatment plan.
• Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the skill acquisition target (i.e., asking for help when making food that they know all the steps for while at home [and get frustrated with the task]), provide the SD from Step 2, follow the task analysis from Step 1, and allow your child to attempt their part independently. When your child is successful, instantaneously grant their request, for example, instantaneously give them help with the task. You can then, if appropriate, provide verbal praise for your child, such as saying, “Good job asking for help!”. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, employ a model prompt to show your child what to do at the beginning of the following trial (e.g., model for your child how to ask for help when making food that they know all the steps for while at home, for example as suggested immediately above under Item g in A-B-Cs Groundwork). Note that for interfering behavior replacement goals, positive reinforcement such as a favorite snack or toy should not be used. For these goals, the removal of the antecedent or stimulus or providing what your child has asked for is the reward and should be provided instantaneously. 
• Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress on the skill acquisition target of asking for help when making food that they know all the steps for while at home (and get frustrated with the task). For example, track progress by counting how many times your child is able to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., successful attempts). Alternatively, count how many times your child is unable to complete their part of the task analysis independently (i.e., unsuccessful attempts).
• Step 6: Collect data on how your child makes progress on decreasing tantrums. For example, count the number of instances and / or the duration your child has a tantrum while making food that they know all the steps for while at home (and get frustrated with the task) instead of asking for help over a certain period of time (e.g., a session, a certain number of sessions, etc.). Alternatively, count the number of instances your child has a tantrum when making food that they know all the steps for (and get frustrated with the task) over a certain time period (e.g., 1 month, 3 months, etc.).