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Social Skills - Describing Romantic Relationships

Social Skills - Describing Romantic Relationships

People on the autism spectrum can find mastering the long-term goal of describing and understanding romantic relationships challenging. This can be due to a variety of reasons, ranging from social struggles to having different expectations of their relationships compared to their peers. People on the autism spectrum can also find it difficult to understand what is deemed “common knowledge” for relationships by their peers. A person on the autism spectrum may require explicit communication regarding expectations and what consists of a romantic relationship vs. a platonic, non-romantic relationship. Helping people on the autism spectrum learn to describe and understand a romantic relationship can help them with their relationships with their peers as well as navigating social circles. 

The following strategies may help your child make progress towards mastering the long-term goal of describing romantic relationships:

  • Use visual supports. Address romantic relationships age-appropriately. Point out the easy-to-spot differences between relationships, such as holding hands or kissing in public, to easily introduce the concept that there are different kinds of relationships. Encourage your child to ask questions, and explain the answers to them as simply and clearly as you can. If age-appropriate, you can also use visual supports to show how people might behave when they’re not interested in a romantic relationship. For example, mutually holding hands can be an indication of romantic interest, while quickly or abruptly removing your hand from a hand holding situation may indicate a lack of interest in a romantic relationship.
  • Watch videos. Watching age-appropriate movies or shows or short films with your child that display or include a romantic relationship can help facilitate understanding of what a romantic relationship is like. For example, you can watch a movie that includes two people falling in romantic love, and discuss with your child how this relationship is different from the relationship they have with their parent or their friend.
  • Additional resources:
  • --> For your child:

Love Explained for Kids | Pop'n'Olly | Olly Pike - YouTube

What is love- #Love explained for kids - Read aloud Story | Curious Ladybirds - YouTube

Sibling Love by Sharifa Anozie | Kids Books Read Aloud - YouTube

Relationships - BBC Bitesize

  • --> For the parent:

How To Explain Love To Little Kids (fatherly.com)

How to Talk with Kids about Healthy Relationships - Poe Center for Health Education NC (poehealth.org)

In order to help your child master the long-term goal of describing romantic relationships, you can work with your child on the short-term goals of differentiating between types of relationships, relationship-appropriate actions, and differentiating between healthy and unhealthy romantic relationships.

For the short-term goal of differentiating between types of relationships, you can choose a target such as differentiating between romantic relationships and familial relationships, differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships, etc.

Differentiating Between Different Types of Relationships

  • Step 1: Decide what relationships you would like your child to learn to differentiate between. For example, you can choose the target of differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships while working on the short-term goal of differentiating between different types of relationships. Select 2 pictures as follows: one image of a parent and child and one image of two people in a romantic relationship
  • Step 2: An initial/specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as the image of two people standing together, or a verbal SD (“Time to tell the difference between relationships!” or “Let’s look at different kinds of relationships!”).
  • Step 3: Collect baseline level data by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt independently to differentiate the relationships for which you prompted. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. As an example, you can count how many times in a row your child is able to independently differentiate between the relationships you prompted for. Alternatively, you can count how many times within a given time interval (e.g., 5 min, 10 min, 15 min, etc.) your child was able to independently differentiate the relationships you prompted for. 
  • Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the target (i.e., the target of differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships), provide the SD from Step 2 and allow your child to attempt independently. When your child is successful, provide reinforcement. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behavior to be supported solely by social reinforcement. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, you can show your child the image of two people in a romantic relationship and say “These two are in a romantic relationship and you can tell by how close they are standing and how affectionate they are.”
  • Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress. For example, count how many times in a row your child can meet the target of differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships independently. Alternatively, you can track progress by recording how long it takes your child to meet the target of differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships independently. Or, alternatively, you can track progress by counting the number of successful attempts at differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships during a session. 
  • Step 6: Track how your child makes progress to meet the target of differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships by comparing with either a number threshold or a percentage threshold (necessary to meet the target). For example, you can record the number of successful attempts at differentiating between romantic relationships and friendships over a certain number of sessions, and compare that with the number threshold necessary to meet the target. Alternatively, you can record what percentage of times your child can differentiate between romantic relationships and friendships, and compare that with the percentage threshold necessary to meet the target.

For the short-term goal of relationship-appropriate actions, you can choose a target such as setting physical boundaries, setting emotional boundaries, identifying appropriate behaviors in a relationship, identifying inappropriate behaviors in a relationship, etc.

Relationship-Appropriate Actions

  • Step 1: Decide what relationship-appropriate actions you would like your child to learn to identify. For example, you can choose the target of identifying appropriate behaviors in a relationship while working on the short-term goal of relationship-appropriate actions. Select 2 pictures as follows: one image of two people hugging and one image of two people yelling at each other.
  • Step 2: An initial/specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as the image of two people hugging, or a verbal SD (“Time to identify relationship-appropriate behaviors!” or “Let’s identify relationship-appropriate behaviors!”).
  • Step 3: Collect baseline level data by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt independently to identify the relationship-appropriate behavior for which you prompted. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. As an example, you can count how many times in a row your child is able to independently identify the relationship-appropriate behavior you prompted for. Alternatively, you can count how many times within a given time interval (e.g., 5 min, 10 min, 15 min, etc.) your child was able to independently identify the relationship-appropriate behavior you prompted for.
  • Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the target (i.e., the target of identifying relationship-appropriate behaviors), provide the SD from Step 2 and allow your child to attempt independently. When your child is successful, provide reinforcement. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behavior to be supported solely by social reinforcement. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, you can show your child the image of two people hugging and say “Hugging is appropriate in a relationship, while yelling is not.”
  • Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress. For example, count how many times in a row your child can meet the target of identifying relationship-appropriate behaviors independently. Alternatively, you can track progress by recording how long it takes your child to meet the target of identifying relationship-appropriate behaviors independently. Or, alternatively, you can track progress by counting the number of successful attempts at identifying relationship-appropriate behaviors during a session. 
  • Step 6: Track how your child makes progress to meet the target of identifying relationship-appropriate behaviors by comparing with either a number threshold or a percentage threshold (necessary to meet the target). For example, you can record the number of successful attempts at identifying relationship-appropriate behaviors over a certain number of sessions, and compare that with the number threshold necessary to meet the target. Alternatively, you can record what percentage of times your child can identify relationship-appropriate behaviors, and compare that with the percentage threshold necessary to meet the target.

For the short-term goal of differentiating between healthy and unhealthy romantic relationships, you can choose a target such as identifying unhealthy behaviors, identifying healthy behaviors, identifying who to reach out to when caught in an unhealthy relationship, etc.

Differentiating Between Healthy and Unhealthy Romantic Relationships

  • Step 1: Decide what aspect of a healthy relationship you would like your child to learn to identify. For example, you can choose the target of identifying healthy behaviors while working on the short-term goal of differentiating healthy and unhealthy romantic relationships. Select 2 pictures as follows: one image of two people happily in a romantic relationship and one image of two people in which one person is yelling at the other person.
  • Step 2: An initial/specific discriminative stimulus (SD) should be selected that will cue your child that the task will start. This SD can be a visual SD, such as the image of a couple, or a verbal SD (“Time to point out healthy behaviors in relationships!” or “Let’s talk about healthy behaviors in relationships!”).
  • Step 3: Collect baseline level data by providing the SD from Step 2 and allowing your child to attempt independently to identify the healthy behavior for which you prompted. The baseline level will vary according to your child and their specific abilities. As an example, you can count how many times in a row your child is able to independently identify the healthy behavior you prompted for. Alternatively, you can count how many times within a given time interval (e.g., 5 min, 10 min, 15 min, etc.) your child was able to independently identify the healthy behavior in a relationship you prompted for. 
  • Step 4: To begin the trial to monitor progress towards meeting the target (i.e., the target of identifying healthy behaviors in a relationship), provide the SD from Step 2 and allow your child to attempt independently. When your child is successful, provide reinforcement. If the reinforcer for the behavior is a tangible item, such as a small snack or a token for a token board, ensure that it is provided with a great deal of verbal praise. Ideally, you want your child’s positive behavior to be supported solely by social reinforcement. If the behavior was not displayed, end the trial and provide the appropriate level of prompting on the following trial. For example, you can show your child the image of two people happily in a romantic relationship and say “They are both smiling happily while kissing, and no one is upset or hurt. This is a healthy behavior in a relationship.”
  • Step 5: Collect data on how your child makes progress. For example, count how many times in a row your child can meet the target of identifying healthy behaviors in a relationship independently. Alternatively, you can track progress by recording how long it takes your child to meet the target of identifying healthy behaviors in a relationship independently. Or, alternatively, you can track progress by counting the number of successful attempts at identifying healthy behaviors in a relationship during a session. 
  • Step 6: Track how your child makes progress to meet the target of identifying healthy behaviors in a relationship by comparing with either a number threshold or a percentage threshold (necessary to meet the target). For example, you can record the number of successful attempts at identifying healthy behaviors in a relationship over a certain number of sessions, and compare that with the number threshold necessary to meet the target. Alternatively, you can record what percentage of times your child can identify healthy behaviors in a relationship, and compare that with the percentage threshold necessary to meet the target.